It’s Never Too Late to Start, or to Start Over
I’ve heard some version of this in my work, in my social circles, and in my own life many times: this isn’t really working, but it feels too late to change now.
Too much time invested. Too many people involved. Too many sunk costs. Too much disruption.
And yet, there’s often a quieter, uncomfortable truth underneath: Something here doesn’t fit anymore.
Knowing Something Isn’t Working
Sometimes the hardest part isn’t making the change - it’s admitting to yourself that what you’re doing, who you’re with, or the life you’re building isn’t aligned with who you are and what you want.
That knowing can sit with you for a long time. You might try to reason it away, ignore it, or distract yourself from it. You might tell yourself to be grateful, to push through, to stop being dramatic. You might tell yourself that nothing is perfect, and that we all have to compromise. You might hope the feeling will pass if you just try harder.
But often, that awareness doesn’t disappear. The quiet discontent lingers.
The Changes We’re Most Afraid to Make
We talk plenty about small changes - habits, routines, mindset shifts. Those matter. But the changes people are most afraid of are usually the big ones.
Ending a relationship that looks fine on paper and stable from the outside. Walking away from a career path you invested years in. Dropping out of a program when you finally admit it isn’t what you want.
I’ve made choices like these in my own life. They were disruptive, they disappointed people, and it took time to get back on my feet and find my path again. These choices came with grief, self-doubt, and a lot of “what if I’m making a huge mistake?”
The Fear Is Not a Sign To Stay The Course
People often assume that if a decision feels terrifying, it must be the wrong one.
But fear often shows up when there’s real loss involved - not just of what is, but of what was imagined. The life you’ve already built. The future you planned for. The version of yourself who stayed and made it work.
That grief is real. It means there is real loss involved. It doesn’t mean you shouldn’t choose differently.
It’s Not Too Late, Even If It Feels That Way
The belief that it’s “too late” often comes from comparing your current self to an earlier version of you - one who had fewer responsibilities, fewer constraints, fewer people depending on you. And truthfully, it might have been easier to start sooner, or have changed earlier.
But you also have more information now. More self-knowledge, and more clarity about what you need in order to have meaning, authenticity, and true connection.
And staying in something that quietly erodes you is also a choice, just one that happens more slowly. It’s not neutral, and comes with its own cost.
Choosing Yourself, Quietly or Loudly
Not every transformation looks dramatic from the outside.
What matters is whether the choice moves you closer to yourself rather than further away.
You’re allowed to make a decision that disrupts your life if staying would slowly diminish it. You’re allowed to change your mind about what you want and what works for you. You’re allowed to choose something different - even if it’s late.
A Hope That Isn’t Naive
I don’t believe that change guarantees happiness. I don’t believe that starting over is clean or empowering every step of the way.
I do believe that living in quiet misalignment takes a toll, and there’s immense relief in finally acknowledging honestly what isn’t working. I also believe that not pursuing what we truly want leaves us with regret in the end.
If you’ve been circling a decision you’re afraid to make, I want to tell you: it’s not too late to begin again.
If you’re facing a decision you feel afraid to act on, therapy can be a place to think it through without being rushed, minimized, or pushed in any direction. I work with adults navigating major life transitions and difficult choices. Reach out here to book a consultation.
